Breathe Out- Ikigai is hard

 

First, let’s agree what Ikigai is.

 Ikigai is the goal, the Holy Grail. The Japanese government web site defines:  “The Japanese word ikigai, which has recently gained attention worldwide and enjoys widespread use, refers to a passion that gives value and joy to life.” And “A broad concept, it refers to that which brings value and joy to life: from people, such as one’s children or friends, to activities including work and hobbies.” 

Ikigai is commonly shown as a Venn Diagram:

  

Ikigai is why you (willingly) get out of bed in the morning, and it is the sum total of your aspirations translated to your efforts. Where we all want to be. BUT you have to get there first, and that is not easy. In fact, it’s HARD. Especially in today’s cluttered, gated-content, short video, bullshit advertising environment.

Imagine you are a participant in the Tour de France, or the Ironman Triathlon. You know you are in the last stages of the event but are not really sure how far it is to finish. Your brain is not up to calculation. This segment is particularly difficult, a steep hill; no matter what you have overcome before, this part is tough. 

Shoulder to shoulder on the side of the road are thousands of “coaches,” “fixers, “advisors,” “helpers” and the like who guarantee a successful finish if only you will pay them to release their magic potion.

Listening to them, rather than being inspiring, only makes you doubt yourself more. Do I need a coach to finish the race? Which one do I trust enough to pay some of my blood to?

Second, they are standing on the side of the road—you are running the race. But wait—if winning the race were as simple as following their whatever, why aren’t they doing it? The answer is simple—because it’s fucking hard, and they are not capable of doing what you have already done.

So it makes sense that the only one who can guarantee your crossing the finish line is—you. You are the hero.

What is going on inside your head at that moment? Something we all have and must admit that we do—FEAR. Do you or someone you know have NO fear? Not likely—no, not possible. Admitting that is yet another matter and how you deal with it is what will lead you to Ikigai.

Starbuck, the first mate in Melville’s classic, Moby Dick,  says: “’I will have no man in my boat, who is not afraid of a whale.’ By this, he seemed to mean, not only that the most reliable and useful courage was that which arises from the fair estimation of the encountered peril, but that an utterly fearless man is a more dangerous comrade than a coward.” 

I agree with Starbuck, do you? 

Where does fear come from? It comes from System 1, our non-conscious mind, and it happens without our consent. Fear and other like emotions emanate from the Limbic Brain, which is an evolutionary carryover from when we were lizards and apes. We cannot suppress these emotions; only our System 2, our Cortex, can add some rational context. Every human’s brain is structured the same, so in reality there is no such thing as “No Fear.”

So what is the difference between the contestant who finishes the race and the one who quits? Fear management. Fear is always there and there isn’t a damn thing we can do about it; the outcome will totally depend on how we manage it. Will it be debilitating or motivating? Will we keep moving toward our Ikigai goal or wilt under the pressure? 

So here’s the “Breathe Out” part. This is a symbolic coping mechanism which we can convert to a literal one. 

What’s up with this breathing stuff?

In the practice of Buddhism, deep breathing, Anapanasati, often translated as "mindfulness of breathing," is a fundamental Buddhist meditation technique that focuses on the breath to cultivate awareness and concentration. The mindfulness  part is what we care about most. This signifies rational control over our minds and bodies.

Winning, achieving your goal, then, is highly dependent on fear management.

In the real life of business, this covers almost every activity from your decision to try and every decision along the way. Think about Starbuck again: We don’t want to be reckless in our decision making, letting System 1 prevail unimpeded, nor do we want to be so hesitant and frozen by fear (also System 1) so we don’t move forward through the tough times and continuous improvement that underpins sustained business.

So what do we do? First, Breathe Out.  Then adopt this procedure:

Measure, then move.

The measure of your achievements can be determined by how much chaos and lack of certainty you work through. Bennis and Thomas express it perfectly in their Harvard Business Review article, “Crucibles of Leadership.” Quoting my take on the article from my Publication “The Way of the Unicorn”: “Crisis. Adversity. Disaster. Chaos. Prejudice. That is the true test of a leader. In good times, virtually anyone can do the job. It is when things get dark and even when they look hopeless that the quality of the leader emerges.”  The authors explain that great leaders emerge due to, ““intense, often traumatic, always unplanned experiences that had transformed them and had become the sources of their distinctive leadership abilities.”” 

In a very important way, managing expectations is very much at the heart of success at finding your Ikigai (and is at the heart of business success in general). Did you expect it to be easy? Planned timeline? No failures along the way? If those were your expectations, Fear will own you. So how do you cope when one of those bumps in the road or obstacles stands in front of you, or has already got you on the ground?

Breathe Out.

All of the above doesn’t indicate that you are or should be alone in your struggles. Your courage in the face of fear will inspire others to find the same within themselves and follow you. Napoleon Bonaparte’s strategies and tactics are a master class in Leadership. Most relevant to our subject here is his leadership style (quoting again from my The Way of the Unicorn): “Napoleon stood in front of his troops, not behind them. In the military as in business, Lead by Example is the most important lesson you can ever learn.” 

So, if you want your Ikigai, find others who share your vision and also can Breathe Out.

But, while you are breathing out, don’t get drunk on your own breath. Or, as Elvira says in the great movie Scarface, “don’t get too high on your own supply.” As I have written in both my publications (The Way of the Unicorn and Get It Done: Your Operations Strategy Playbook (In the Way of the Unicorn)), “If you ever wake up in the morning and think that your shit doesn’t stink, slap yourself and think again. Just when you think you are greater, smarter, better than others—you aren’t.” So the last word in achieving your Ikigai is—Humility. So, as you take your healing breath, spit out the ego-based “I am” for the constant question, “Who am I today and how can I be better?”

Great leaders learn to lead themselves first. How they lead themselves determines the performance of others, and maybe the business and achievement of the Ikigai.I am often reminded of my favorite saying about Leadership: “The Fish Stinks from the Head.”

There’s lots more to say about this. Maybe my next publication, and something I want to spend more time sharing with others.

So here’s what I did. Plug your own information into the Venn diagram above, then unplug and unlock yourself with the growth mindset that acknowledges: 1. It is hard 2. I am afraid of the unknown 3. “I have Breathed Out and thought deeply about what I need to do and I will continue to do so every day.” 

Because you know what? I don’t care who you are or how much money you have, you will never arrive because the journey is an Endless Loop.

Oh, and BTW, your age or previous life is not an excuse. It is never too late.

   

jp.gov/Kizuna, Ikigai: The Japanese Secret to a Joyful Life, https://www.japan.go.jp/kizuna/2022/03/ikigai_japanese_secret_to_a_joyful_life.html#:~:text=The%20Japanese%20word%20ikigai%2C%20which%20has%20recently,that%20gives%20value%20and%20joy%20to%20life.&text=A%20broad%20concept%2C%20it%20refers%20to%20that,friends%2C%20to%20activities%20including%20work%20and%20hobbies.

  Herman Melville, Moby Dick (New York: Dover Publications, 2003), p. 100.

  Michael Serwetz,  The Way of the Unicorn: Strategies and Principles for Successful Marketing (and Execution) in a Connected World, 2024: Great River Learning), Chapter 8, Page 6.

  Warren Bennis and Robert J. Thomas, “Crucibles of Leadership,” Harvard Business Review, September 2002.

  Serwetz, Op. Cit., Chapter 4 Page 4.